Hello. If you haven't read my diary from 5/3/01, do so now because this won't make any sense to you. I'm going to do He said, She said but I'm going to put a twist on it. He said, She said and She said. That's right, 3 people, Marly, Paula and myself, will talk about the first time I met Marly. Here it goes...

HE SAID (The part of He is really me, Bob.) I really did it this time. Paula and myself got to the bar around nine o'clock. The first thing I said to Paula is, "It's hot in here." We walked through the place and there she was, the girl I've been writing to for about two months! Man, I don't mind saying; she's very attractive. Paula and I got some drinks at the bar, Paula bought my drink--thanks sweets--and then the heat really hit me. I started sweating. I said to Paula, "Dude, I'm sweating." We chilled at the bar for a few minutes so I could, you know, stop sweating. Then we went over to the table. Marly works in the food industry and likes to cook. So, as a birthday gift, I brought her a box of "gourmet" chocolates. I actually got the biggest, cheapest box I could find, that was the joke. She opened it up and some people got the joke and some I think, didn't get it. That's the risk you take when you try out new material. I forgot to mention that on top of sweating, I was crammed into this corner seat of a wooden booth. I was very uncomfortable. So, at that point, I excused myself and went to the men's room. Not to use the room for its intended purpose but to towel off. I got back to the table; I was still sweating! I wasn't nervous either; the room was very, very hot and humid. Plus, I was wearing one of those shirts that is 100% Rayon, I'm quite the fashion plate. I was standing at the table because I wasn't ready to shoehorn my large butt in that seat again. At that point, I said to myself, "You got to get out of here -- but how?" I knew that if I said goodbye, ten minutes after arriving, I'd look odd. So, I just said to myself, "Screw this, I'm miserable." I walked over to the bar, put my drink down and walked out the door. I really felt bad for what I did and for not saying goodbye. I've apologized to Marly and Paula and they've accepted, I think. I hope that I'll get the chance to spend time with Marly again but as of today, there are no plans to do so. I'm a jerk. Paula told me the a/c kicked on a few minutes after I left.

SHE SAID (The part of She is really her, Marly.)So last night was my birthday drink thing with friends, and at around 9pm Paula and Bob arrived (did you know that in Ireland when you say someone's "arrived" it means they've reached the big "o"? Seriously). I leapt up to say hello and after a hug with cat-proximity clothing I did not sneeze. Bob felt this was a good sign. Or perhaps it was all that liquor killing my senses. Anyway, I went back to the table and finally Paula and Bob joined after some private time (I am NOT trying to start rumors). Then Bob gave me a large wrapped box and a card -- that was very thoughtful! -- turns out it was about 2 lbs. of Whitman's chocolate with a white truffle golf ball bonus pack from Duane Reade. YUM. So we're all sitting there chatting away and then Bob's standing up and then we all realize Bob is gone and he never came back! It's so ironic, for someone I cat date, I mean, can't date, last night he acted like all my ex-boyfriends. How'd you do that, Bob? Anyway, we carried on and had more beer and told stories and when I got home do not doubt for a second that I sat by the TV watching my Survivor finale tape while eating probably a half pound of the Whitman's. Oh joy; it was a glorious night.

SHE SAID (The part of She is really her, Paula.)Bobby and I took the subway downtown. It was hot that night. It was about 20 degrees hotter inside the bar. We spotted Marly & her friends, said hello. Bob & I bellied up to the bar to get some drinks. Marly joined us. We chatted for a few minutes & Marly sat back down with her friends. We joined them. It was tight seating. Bobby was hot. We gave her our gifts. Bob, against my advice, bought her a box of Whitman's chocolate -- classy. He's single, ladies. Then Bob went to the bathroom. Then Bob came back & stood for a minute. Then Bob left. Yup, just up & left, no goodbye. After a few minutes, I went to the front of the bar (thinking he was getting air). No Bob. At first I thought, good Lord, someone's kidnapped Bob. Like in that movie The Vanishing (which I never saw, but would imagine it to be just like that). Then I realized that he was simply trying to make the worst impression ever. Mission accomplished. Freak show.

Thanks, ladies. So, that was that. Friday morning, I got a haircut. Supercuts did right by me, again. Friday night I listened to my neighbor's bass on his stereo, that was nice. They're going to raise my rent to a price that I'm not comfortable paying. So, on Saturday I looked for apartments in New Jersey - Bad experience. I can't say anymore than that because there's probably going to be litigation. If you know one thing about me, know this; I'll sue at the drop of a hat. Sunday, I went to Queens and checked things out there. I want to give a special thanks to Chris and Colleen for their hospitality. I like Queens; it wasn't as bad as I thought. OK, that's it for today, isn't that enough? Have a good day. MARLY!!!! MARLY, COME BACK!!!!!!!!