-- A croissant is my methadone.
On my way home last night, the guy at the game store was taking out the trash. I took this opportunity to ask him the value of my old-school Playstation. His answer -- $15. $15! I couldn't believe it. I'd rather throw it in the sewer than sell it for $15. I was really surprised/shocked. I got back home and tried to beat this Tony Hawk game. I couldn't do it. So, I got online and found a cheat code that unlocks everything in the game. I played around for 15 minutes and my "addiction" was cured. Sometimes, cheating is necessary -- remember that kids.
After that, I took some time to update my cell phone. I got rid of old numbers, called a number and updated something and I changed the main message. It used to read "ready" but I changed it to this:

Bob updates his cell phone
It says, "Killyourcell" it's like a bumper sticker for the phone. I did have "F**K you" but that seemed like I was saying that to myself. After that, I looked at my real phone, then at my cell, then at my real phone and again at the cell. You guessed it -- I called myself. And to make matters worse, I started talking. I enjoyed the echo.
Here's something odd. I felt this pinching in my underwear last night. Upon further investigation, one of those security tags was stuck to my drawers.

Bob found this in his underwear,
Odd, I didn't buy any new clothes with those security tags? Then it hit me, when I did my laundry, I found one of those in the wash - it's not from my clothes. Or is that exactly what they want me to think? I've never done this before but I need to encrypt something - you won't be able to read what I'm about to write, only the intended person with the encryption key will be able to read it, please bear with me.
--I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I WANT OUT - I WON'T BE YOUR SPY - STOP TRYING TO TRACK MY EVERY MOVE. END ENCRYPTION--
OK, thank you. That's it. Have a great day.
God Bless America.